Working towards healing
The word work doesn’t invoke a positive feeling in me and I can say for most of us. It is seen as something we have to do to survive on this earth and the 9 to 5 grind which is openly flaunted in our culture. We have embraced this narrative and assimilated it like our family.
The idea of doing better in life is indirectly correlated to this work culture. The gratification for the outside has surpassed to truly acknowledge what is needed. Our species has arrived in a world where most of us are following one street which is accumulating assets. To have wealth to survive is completely different from accumulating wealth.
This work culture fuels this shallow aspect of humanity and tramples whatever tries to grow in this environment.
As human beings, we are conditioned to so many things, we all have free will but we are free to a certain extent. There’s a certain grip interwoven that one cannot break away easily. The silent laws that one has to abide by.
These laws are to keep us in check, being social animals we seek comfort and companionship in each other. This social aspect of our community sometimes hampers our growth if one is not self-aware. Therefore casting a limiting belief system and no space to wiggle.
So with the limiting belief, we go on living and pursuing what we are accustomed to. When a new or fresh perspective enters the scenario you try to change them to fit your idea of how life should be lived.
Therefore, change is sometimes seen as a threat because of our attachment. Unknowingly continuing the cycle of trauma instead of breaking away from it, hence, perpetuating a broken system.
People with fresh perspectives and new minds are beaten up to a point where they have to surrender to the decisions of society. They are traumatized. It changes and restricts their freedom and damages their perspective permanently.
I too have experienced microaggressions and macroaggressions from an institution called school. I wasn’t meant to be in that ridge institution.
I felt like the family’s black sheep, I tried my best to fit in, but it wasn’t organic. With the years of abuse, I had done to myself it finally surfaced.
All my 20’s have been me working on relearning a healthy mindset and unlearning the abuse. And I am still working on myself. I am still trying to process the things that happened to me as a child.
Learning the inner workings. This is me doing my work, writing about it, sharing, hopefully bringing awareness, and being in a space of healing.
The inner work isn’t always visible on the exterior. It is a journey inward. The yogis and people go to the mountains to meditate because they are dedicated to their inner work so intensely they don’t want any outside interference.
I started working on myself for as long as I can remember, I didn’t get answers easily so I was inclined towards Buddhism and reading about the teachings of Buddhism. Reading books on literature and testimonies, memoirs of people who made it through. Self-help books trying to figure out my life. I was desperate for answers. I have lived in search of an answer for a long time and am working on being kind to myself while experiencing the flares of my unhealed soul.
I am working on healing my soul. It is a lifelong process. After coming so far in my healing journey, I am surrendering myself to this process without expecting desired results.
Surrendering my identity, my old mindset, my unhealthy coping mechanisms, my trauma, my past, my insecurities, my anxieties, and my existence of who I thought I should be in the first place.
The modern man knows how to ask questions about how much the value of assets. We know how to calculate and are aware of the stock market value but we hardly have an answer about our life or death.
I feel like I was born in the wrong era, in a body of soul that asks too many questions and hasn’t found the right outlet to express and exist.
I started writing on medium because it was an outlet for me to journal my journey and putting it out there for everyone to see it. I wanted my journey to be available and accessible to people who are seeking some form of solace and letting them know they aren’t alone in that journey.
My first article was me talking about my mental health and it was 5–6 years ago the stigma was immense. I hated hiding my feelings and acting like everything was perfect. Writing was my only tool to express myself and also a great way to explore my emotions.
I get questions like what’s the use of being in America if you aren’t making money? Do yogis get asked the same questions or someone who is pursuing a field that doesn’t generate your idea of wealth?
I am a person who is working hard on trying to heal from wounds that aren’t easy to describe. That’s why I say I was born in the wrong era or the perfect one for that matter.
You get to sing the secret tune of the universe. Aligning the body, speech, and mind.
I am working on healing my trauma and going back to my past to see myself as someone who was just living life and needing some guidance in living an authentic life true to my calling.
Children should have the liberty to live a life of freedom. As an adult, most of us with unresolved past trauma denied being children. Regardless of where we grew up, the people we were surrounded with we all have been robbed of our childhood in some ways.
It is almost impossible to be born in perfect conditions and environments. But I do feel it should be our right to come into the world where we are welcomed and celebrated. Our presence should contribute to a better world and leave this world surpassing our previous one for the coming generation. Looking at the world around I don’t think we have succeeded in creating that ideal place for our future generation. But I haven’t lost hope for a better world and a better tomorrow.
Because I do see, hear, and am surrounded by people who are contributing to a better tomorrow with their existence and their works.
I have been privileged to know and exist in a time where I can follow and learn from them. They all have done a great deal of inner work and are extending their knowledge towards the world. There are people like Jova the founder of artidote, the people in our communities who are working to make things better for us.
I have seen firsthand how crucial it is to work at the grassroots level seeing my mother who is a social worker including her other roles like being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, niece, and now a grandmother. She fulfilled her role exceptionally.
It is a privilege to have grown around such a powerful figure and the influences that bring to my life, knowing I can fall back too. And in turn, sharing what I have learned while doing my inner work is an honor I get to share with her.
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Thank you
Peggy.
