Realization

what did my addiction with nicotine with addiction realize? My head started hurting and I feel that terrible headache, which I thought was something serious. It is a withdrawal symptom from quitting smoking.

I need to throw away the pack of cigarettes that I have in my bag. I have made my own hell. I didn’t have any health issues but it started when I started smoking, I already had rheumatism, a murmur in the heart which is better now.

I became vegetarian a few years ago, I didn’t eat meat for 8 years. This May 2016 I started eating meat. I didn’t use to have bloated stomach before, I didn’t have a problem with gastritis. Now, I have to be very conscious of what I eat and what I shouldn’t be eating. Eating a balanced diet is truly an art. An art I have to start learning because it is going to stick with me as long as I am in this human body.

I guess this is the change of perspective I needed. I thought my body was strong enough to take everything and I could do whatever I want with it. But it is fragile, it is as fragile as the February snow, the heat of the March might melt it. It’s uncertainty.

I always wondered how could people maintain their weight so well but it just a change of perspective. I want to treat my body as it should be treated. My obligation is only to my body at this time, I don’t have to worry about anything. I cannot even take care of it properly, how am I going to take care of someone else. My body comes first than anything else. The extra stress, anxiety, exhaustion is not needed. I want my body to be happy. But saying that I need to do some exercise and yoga. Yoga because it will balance my chakra and make me more stable.

I like how my life is turning into, I am learning so much. I am learning about human communication, but mostly I am learning to love the way I am. I love being with my self. I constantly overthink, but thoughts just disappeared. I have ambitions, but I don’t want to be tired of everything. My ambition can wait. It is said that one has to sharpen their knife before going to battle. If the knife is already reached its limit, what will be the outcome of the battle? It is a loss for sure.

My body is my only weapon, and if my body is not fit to do anything, how can I possibly do anything with my life.

It took me a long time to realize that my body is the most important component of my victory. Without it, I am as good as being defeated by my own self. I have smoked countless times. It made my body sick and weak, I just need to take care of it but instead, I took it for granted. I am never going to take it for granted something as precious as this body gifted from the higher power. This body is my shield, my armor till I turn into ashes. I will use it well and protect it to my best ability.