My journey into spirituality

I had gone to an energy healer before but it’s wasn’t for myself. This time I was open to spiritual healing. I wanted to heal emotionally and wanted help to do so. I have always been spiritual and have always believed in a higher power. It only became stronger when I came to the U.S. I felt like I had a calling and it had brought me to where I am today.

Meditation was my leverage to the spiritual dimension and connection to the divine energy.

I started practicing meditation in college. The first semester I took Buddhism and I was so fascinated with learning so much about Buddhism. All kinds of Buddhism which I didn’t know existed and I met my sensei, my Buddhism professor. An elderly white man who was a Tendai Japanese priest. I haven’t known such an intelligent being in my life. He invited me to his temple which was 45 mins away from my college. Every Wednesday the school van took the students to the temple. The van was called shuttle. The road to the temple was so beautiful I always enjoyed getting out of college every Wednesday. House like dolls and some mansions over the hill hiding in woods. It was in the Berkshires. The air was clean and not much different than what I was used to. The temple was a simple red barn from outside but inside it was beautiful. Japanese aesthetic everything was made out of. wood. Sensei’s house 100 ft away from the temple. First, there was a discussion about an article inside the house related to Buddhism for an hour and then we headed to the temple for evening meditation. There was rituals and chanting mantra for 15mins, after that sitting meditation for 45 mins and standing meditation for 10 mins and sitting for another 20 mins. The first few weeks I had a hard time not dozing off to sleep. Slowly I got the hang of it and I attended retreats during the weekend. It was very tiring because we had to do many things. Cleaning, get up at 5 in the morning and no talking before we finish our morning meditation. We ate breakfast then we had walking meditation for about half an hour. It was silent walking and no talking, we usually chanted prayers while walking. Came back, ate snacks and did chores being mindful. It was a wonderful experience and I loved every bit of it. I came back to college after staying in the temple for three nights and came to my little room exhausted.

After 7 years since I started meditation, I am still continuing. Every morning I do my prayers, offer water and incense to my little. Buddha gifted and anointed by sensei.

I sit for meditation for about 20 mins and some days as long as I can sit.

I can sit and meditate for days if I have to. I go into a trans and when I reach a certain point, I feel the joy like I have never felt before. It’s a state of bliss that I don’t want to wake up from.

So when I went to the energy healer, she told me to visualize a blackboard and write all my negative feelings one by one. And erase them afterward. After writing all my negative emotions replace them with positive affirmations and this time keep them. So I did what she said, I was struggling to visualize at first but I kept trying to focus. I did as much as I could. It’s called completion mediation. While I was doing that she was healing me with crystals it went on for half an hour. After that, she told me of her visions. Some were related and some not but one thing that struck out was her vision of me getting slapped. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to disclose but she said it anyway. “Did someone slap you?” I said “Yes! My teacher did.” She nodded her head and told me that it had affected my divine chakra, the crown chakra. At that moment I felt powerless, ashamed, fearful, and all the negative emotions. It clicked, the feelings that I had felt before. The emotional turmoil I had suffered for almost 13 years and that feeling I had started feeling when I was in class 8.

She told me to go back home and write my experiences of what had happened that day and burn it. Watch the paper turning into ashes, it’s simple yet profound. When we write our emotions it passes through our veins and are imprinted on the paper. So when we burning them it’s burning all our negative emotions. It’s a self-healing technique. She told me to write whenever I have negative emotions and burn it at the end of the day, because when negative emotions accumulate it becomes toxic. And it manifests as a disease.

That night I wrote everything I had felt that day and burnt it. A day after healing my head was hurting so much that it felt like exploding. It means the healing worked and I felt it worked because my mind feels clearer and I feel in harmony with myself. I do feel seeing a therapist is important but for me, personally being a spiritual person, energy healing has done wonders. I regret not going to see her earlier.

Both her sister and her they are healers, so grounded and wonderful. They were both so welcoming and we had a wonderful time talking to them about spiritual healing. They gave us articles and names of people who were well known for their spiritual abilities.

I would like to be a healer like them and dive deeper into spirituality.

Coming from a Buddhist country I have always been religious but as I am growing older I am becoming more spiritual.

I have always felt like an outcast from my peers even in school, I was aloof and introvert. An old soul who didn’t fit in this generation, I always felt more than I should, cared more than I should have and been hurt more than I deserved. But it’s changing and being here by myself, on my own I do think it’ll change. I am growing and still learning.

The teacher who slapped me his name is Tenzin and I’ll never forget him for making me suffer for 13 years. What hurts the most is I didn’t know the cause of my pain or had no one to point fingers for such a long time. I’ll forgive and forget him eventually because, in the end, it’s me who is suffering from this trauma. I’ll heal myself and if anyone is reading this article, please be kind to people because you have no idea what they are going through. Don’t make it worse for them.

I am glad I have a supportive family and my boyfriend is always here for the smallest thing. I cannot imagine what my life would have been otherwise. It’s scary to think but most are still confused and still on a journey. I would like to tell the ones who are going through a difficult phase in their life, I am with you and you are not alone in this. We will get through it.

Stay away from energy vampire who sucks the life out of you and leaves you feeling alone and unloved. Life is beautiful and you have every right to live the life you have always dreamt of.