Metamorphosis
I wasn’t ready to call myself a writer before but I finally concluded to call myself a writer. It’s because when you write, you are a writer at any stage of your writing journey. There might be a certain guidelines and some standards as to when to call oneself a writer, but when you choose your passion you embody the art completely.
I write about things that matter to me and I like giving voices to them because it is meaningful to me.
There are days I go by thinking about what to write and how to portray my emotions.
I recently started taking a poetry workshop and it has been an incredible journey. This group of people genuinely care about creating a safe space and helping each other.
I realized with age does come wisdom, there were many things I couldn’t tell apart when I was a young adult. As I am nearly in my thirties, my voice is becoming clearer on what I want in life and what I don’t.
I have come a long way to create that space that I have craved for a very long time. I somehow manifested the kind of environment that I am in right now.
I have people that surround me who are going through a similar journey and are willing to open their hearts and be vulnerable to share their experiences.
To me, writing is being vulnerable, it is harder to write when I am not in my right headspace. The intrusive thoughts stop me from doing even the simplest things. I take breaks and not spiral.
It’s tough for me to acknowledge the things I have achieved and succeeded at. I am trying to take a step back and enjoy my victories, instead of questioning my credibility. It didn’t come to me all at once, and I truly worked hard for it. The imposter syndrome tries to take control of the wheels and steer me in directions I do not intend to go. Unlearning deep emotional trauma and complex emotions have been a humbling experience for me.
These days I am trying to write about the things I don’t like to talk about; for example, heartbreaks, and painful memories. But the line gets blurred between finding inspiration to write and reliving those painful emotions.
I may not be the only person who has gone through a breakup and like me, most of us have experienced heartbreaks at some point in our lives.
I tried to minimize the pain by not thinking about it and keeping myself occupied. However, with the fleeting moments, it gets heavier when you don’t mend your heart and keep putting aside your grief.
Painful emotions come in waves, the currents are stronger sometimes. In those times it is important to remind myself that I deserve happiness and I deserve to take care of myself. Protect me from the things that make me question. There is a difference between stepping out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in situations that endanger your emotional and mental health. It is a far greater risk.
Never lose yourself while trying to impress others. I know it’s easier said than done. I have lost myself far too often than being found. In times of those overflowing burdensome emotions, I try to be patient with myself and remind myself that it’s only a bad day, not a bad life.
I always remember this quote from a movie, “If it’s too hard for you to imagine your future just think about tomorrow and what are you going to do tomorrow.” Because that might be the only thing that matters and it’s what we have to live for.
Human life is so fragile and uncertain, to dwell in the past or future. Is the luxury none of us can afford but we do somehow.
