Daily self-reflection
I decided to write this today because usually while meditating I feel a sense of calmness and some form of mental clarity instead I was flooded with waves of emotions. A blanket of dark clouds trying to engulf me and hurl me in its shadow.
I enquired why this emotion was coming to me, was it because of something that has been bothering me. The timing could not be more perfect, I was sitting down with my eyes closed and it was a space of self-reflection.
Investigating my emotions and why it has surfaced now. I had two options: either drown or surf through those intense waves of emotions.
Without my morning meditation, people around me fall victim to those intense emotions, and my partner is the closest. I divert all those heavy emotions towards him without knowing. The blanket of dark clouds either becomes me or goes through me. Fortunately, I am not in that space to let it consume me.
I sat with those emotions for a while, maybe 15 mins, that’s my goal: 15 mins of meditation every day. I had my spikes ready to launch at him when he woke up from his sleep.
Why should he fall victim to my emotions?
It is often difficult to see him(my partner) as an individual, not an extension of myself. We are together but we are not one person. I give him his space to flourish as a human and I don’t want to mother him. I like to respect that space where we can flourish together but individually. A companion through this journey called life.
I learned this while being on my journey and also seeing my parents. Before, I saw my parents as my mom and dad, not as individual beings. My respect for them only grew knowing them as individuals who have done a great deal of work themselves. Being my parents is only a fraction of who they were.
To embrace one’s identity and as an individual, and as well as a work in progress before putting forward the opinions of others is crucial.
Individualism- this word didn’t sit right with me at first I saw it in a negative light. I saw it as a separation. A separation from community and family, a monster created by the west and I couldn’t help being skeptical. I wanted to steer away from being something I was not.
But to have a stronger sense of community, one needs to embrace individualism not in a selfish way but in a wholesome way.
Anything in life you feel you have a strong grip, the universe has a strange way of showing that nothing truly belongs to us and it shouldn’t.
