Body Issues
Let women decide what they need to do with their body.
Recently my boyfriend lost some weight, and he was concerned when people started commenting on his weight loss. I did see a few changes but not much for he always had healthy habits. He has been meditating with me in the morning for a couple of months.
One morning after our guided meditation, we were on our way to Manhattan, and he said, “This morning while I was meditating, I realized how much I was affected by people’s opinion. I am angry at myself for accepting those opinions.”
Perplexed by the comment, I said, “Why do you get angry? I would take it as a compliment.” Being a woman, I have been the judge about my weight regularly throughout my life. Puberty was not only entering into adulthood, but the judgment of people regarding how you should appear also grew stronger. I envied my boyfriend that he at least had a chance to get angry, not me, I was robbed of that opportunity. Growing up continually being shamed from being chubby, I thought it was a cultural norm, people had to weigh or look a certain way to be considered a part of a wholesome community. So there was no anger instead of acceptance because, in gathering, functions, birthday parties, clubbing, and other occasions, it’s inevitable that people like to comment on your body. They don’t see past my appearance, for example, the value I bring into the world. Instead, the numbers are far more valuable than a living person like me.
I have not developed any severe eating disorder, but my relationship with food changed over time. I experimented a lot while growing up with food, but around high school, I think I started getting uncomfortable with my body because my body was changing. No one talks about girls going through puberty; you get period, you have breast, your body structure changes and uncomfortable growth of body hair. Schools need to have sex ed classes talking opening about physical changes and prepare young adults going through puberty. I recently read on Kuensel, a young high school girl gave birth to a baby in the toilet and no one knew she was pregnant. I cannot imagine the pain and horror she had to endure alone without anyone knowing her situation.
Women have been told to do certain things for centuries. Bare a son, cover your body, the ideal weight for women, don’t wear this or that and don’t look a certain way because it invites trouble.
There are many trends cross cultures that tend to restrict women physically and emotionally. In Japan, a tradition of foot binding where women had to break their feet into tiny shoes to symbolize class which physically limited them.
In this era, heels are similar to foot binding for me and maybe many women across the world. Higher the inches, better it is. High heels are a symbol of class, and maturity. Doesn’t matter if your feet are aching with the pain and blisters but to appear womanly heels are a necessity. After a night out wearing heels the next few days, my feet hurt and regret wearing them. I don’t know why I do that, it’s easy to succumb to the societal pressure and it’s harder to separate oneself from those pressures. Because being separated from societal pressure also means sometimes keeping a distance from your friends or gathering, which feels alone sometimes. But to keep my own sanity, I am willing to sacrifice my social life.
I am on social media continually scrolling through feeds mostly consisting of celebrities, with their toned body looking perfect form every angle. Instagram puts a lot of pressure on young adults to post a picture where they are picture perfect. Social media does not spare anyone, all age groups are hooked on Instagram. There are 77.6 million on Instagram, and between the age of 18–34 are the highest users of Instagram.
Not having social media is not an option these days, it’s a place where people feel connected to people around and their surroundings. The term FOMO- fear of missing out is a real issue and I have experienced it myself. The need to check my phone, getting likes on my pictures and getting symptoms almost like anxiety. This dependency on the virtual world is taking over reality.
I admire people who are out of social media and maintain a sense of detachment. If I turn my head away from my phone, I end up getting on social media through my computer, or I watch Netflix, youtube or HBO. There is an abundant supply of entertainment that keeps me busy. Most women in the entertainment business have a desirable body and mostly without flaws. A pop culture brought in another wave of what alluring body should a woman posses now, women with big butts, and breasts. The beauty standard for women keeps changing. There are many factors among which mostly influences are from pop culture.
Many models are paid highly, so fitting in the category of that norm. There is undeniably insatiable desire to be and look flawless like them. Women bodies are often seen as a commodity and exploited in many ways. Women too use their body as a means for social climbing, gaining fame, and mostly seeing a way out if they are not satisfied with their current situation.
Bhutanese youth are mostly trendy, and they like to stay with the uptrend. After coming to the U.S, I found the freedom to choose what I can wear, and not physically judged by what I wear. In Bhutan, I was critical about what I had to wear and wearing same clothes meant social suicide, but I learned I didn’t have to live this way. I do feel it is more inclined towards women. To keep up with the trend means keeping up with what’s relevant in society, which is mostly western clothing influenced by the outlook of the west of what women should look like.
If I turn on the TV and watch a popular tv series in my days which is in between 2002–2016, gossip girls, 90210, O.C were very popular. All the leading ladies were so skinny and those perfectly fitted dresses tightly hugging their bodies. Also, in Indian pop culture all girls were exposing themselves, I was 15 years old, weighing 105 pounds but still wanted to weigh less.
My elder sister who was studying in Bangkok bought me a T-shirt a brand from the main actress of O.C Mischa Barton, she said I would look good in that shirt like Misha. She was a beautiful white girl and I wanted to be like her.
The adverse of TV are felt all over the world, especially in developing countries which were exposed to TV have seen dramatic changes in their lifestyle.
In Bhutan, the primary source of food is rice, potato, cheese, and chili. Nowadays, there are gyms all around the capital city telling you that you need to be healthy and have a fit lifestyle.
Many big companies are ready to feed on those insecurities. Those strict diet regime, dieting pills, celebrities advertising herbal detox tea, and many other chemical infused products.
People need to understand that each body is unique and it cannot be treated with chemicals or molded into a category for the convenience of few people.
Fashion Industry also has been heavily criticized for its standards for wanting male and female under certain weight or height. It’s an exploitative industry and a lucrative one. Models like Ashely Graham are bringing a wave of change in fashion Industry with her beautiful curvy figure.
A community does not thrive if the foundation is not built with a strong base, and women are the foundation for our community. If women are empowered to do what their heart desires instead of molding them into what society thinks about how women should exist, this world will be in a better place.
I grew with strong women in my household, my mother, an activist, a social worker, and businesswomen. She is everything a woman can be. She is gentle and assertive at the same time. Her aura oozes of magnificence. Growing up in her shadow was sometimes intimidating but also of privilege.
She knew everyone, and everyone knew her, my dad was known as the husband of Phub Lham, not the other way around. She is a homemaker and a man of the family, but with that, I have seen her juggling with so many things. But she doesn’t stop, even at the age of 50 she runs a daycare and helping her community. Women have always been powerful in my neighborhood but little did I know about the world beyond my little town.
