Adulthood is constantly searching for a dose of serotonin (happiness ).
I found my adulthood constantly seeking some form of happiness. I seeked happiness in many ways, but mostly short-lived. Instead of filling the hole it created an even bigger hole, it never gave me what I wanted. I looked for everlasting happiness. While trying to pursue everlasting happiness it didn’t come in a nicely packaged and cushioned box. It was a rude awakening. It came from places where I didn’t know existed.
I had to actively be involved in trying to pursue my own happiness. Not letting negativity get the good of me, trying hard not to be sucked into it. I am conscious of the interaction that I have with other people but mostly with myself, my inner dialogue. I am trying to be conscious of my unconscious reaction.
I try to evaluate my self most of the time. The foundation of my belief system and how it found me or I found it, mostly the things I find hard to get rid of are due to my inflated ego and some form of survival mechanism.
Sometimes I am aware of my feelings sometimes it gets the good of me. But I try not to linger in that space for long. I think about death, the only true awakening. Everything comes to an end one day and it isn’t worth dwelling upon things that doesn’t add value to my life.
I cut myself some slack and I don’t criticize myself to the point of exhaustion. I am not perfect and can never be, I’m on a journey of self-discovery.
Being at this age, I do feel liberated and I am not tied down to anything. I have the sense of maturity to delve through things. I can choose the kind of life I want for myself which is a relief and a tremendous responsibility to carry because no one will be held accountable. I am responsible for myself and my life. I have the wheels on my hand and I can steer wherever I want. It’ll be only I who will be facing the consequences. It’s a glorious age to be and to be alive, to live and to journey through this process.
So I consciously seek my serotonin. In the morning sun, sunsets, in nature, in my daily ritual, 15 mins into meditation, in my tea break, journaling, and writing in my iPhones note while taking the subway. I seek it consciously and unconsciously.
